Posted by: Neeraj | December 2, 2009

The family – Part 2

In today’s India, families are passing through a lot of stress. An aspirational  set of 3-4 people, with varying interests, try to co-exist, and as soon as the young ones get a chance they move away. India is witnessing what the Americas and the Europes of the world witnessed 40-50 years ago – a naked desire to experience freedom.

So, for the next few decades families will continue to disintegrate. Children will move away to far-away shores, coming together only at festivals or reunions. Living alone will be the norm, with an occasional brush here and there. Finding a partner for life would become more difficult and less necessary as people gain financial independence. A large percentage will choose singlehood over troubled togetherness. An increased number of people will not marry and will pass through prolonged phases of stress and loneliness, with no sibling, no friend, present by the side to share the pain.

And, after experiencing all this, the generation that will take birth would know that a partner would never be the easiest thing to find. They will shun the loneliness and the tag of ‘an abnormal backpack’ to go back to their parents and live with them, just to savour the love that togetherness brings.  A whole lifetime wasted just to getting back to doing what the current generation wants to stop doing.

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Responses

  1. first of all congrats of the awesome book..I really liked the post and the farsightedness with which you have gauged the whole situation!!

  2. Thanks so much Rahul for your wishes on the book. Hope you find the time to read it and give feedback on it.

    As for the post on ‘The family’ well, this is my take on it. Hope we don’t have to endure all this stress to going back to doing the same thing.

  3. Hi Neeraj,i haven’t read ur book but ordered it 2day itself..ur profile has some stark similarities with mine and even i suffer from a compulsive desire for writing.AN even i work for a software company.Try to visit my blog at unsocialgaurav@blogspot.com..i have been blogging past a couple of years..
    Thanks..!!

  4. oops..a mistake in the above one..
    Hi Neeraj,i haven’t read ur book but ordered it 2day itself..ur profile has some stark similarities with mine and even i suffer from a compulsive desire for writing.AN even i work for a software company.Try to visit my blog at unsocialgaurav.blogspot.com..i have been blogging past a couple of years..
    Thanks..!!

  5. Sure Gaurav, will do. And please do let me know your feedback on Zero Percentile.

    • Hi Neeraj,
      Just finished ur book.Hmm….a pretty genuine book and i could feel how u have poured in ur heart out.Generally i finish off a book within a day but this book took me 2 days,nothin wrong with ur writing but i was pretty observant right from page 1,considering the fact that this was ur maiden attempt at the writing a book stint.May be i will drop in a mail at ur mailbox in a day or two(detailed feedback),but what i fould about the book was —
      Positives first :
      -quite genuine story,perhaps anyone can relate it with him/her self.
      -the struggle in another territory was well executed…somehow liked it.
      Negatives :
      –Lacked pace at many instances and there were things which were unncessarily paid attention(like pre-birth) and thing which if dealt more wud have been better(like Nitin’s HIV story ends in a mere half page.i suppose he was one of the close buddies of the protaganist).

  6. Thanks Gaurav. I have got the feedback about the first part being slow earlier as well. Point taken.

    As for Nitin and HIV, the purpose of bringing in the character of Nitin was that I wanted to convey the message that people need to be careful about their sex lives. I was afraid that getting into detail on this topic may make it preachy.

    Thanks so much for the feedback.

  7. i can not agree with you any more. We hurt our love ones and when they are gone we finally understand the importance of togetherness. Its just that we can’t get this before.

  8. I completely agree…out of excitement of the recent petty success, we tend to aliniate ourselves from our families…actually its a race between money and love. Money is rabbit and is fast. Love is turtle, slow but steady…we all know its the turtle which will be victorious..but due to lack of prudence, we behave as rabbits and lose…well nice book..i found it very close to ma heart…

  9. Yeah Chaman/ Neeraj. Would like to borrow from a famous quote here ‘We only learn to live after having lived our life’. So, i guess, we will never learn the easy way.

    Hi Neeraj,

    Neerajs are the best people in the world and I think you will agree too :-). Great that you liked the book

  10. Hii
    thanx 4 the acknolegment and also 4 treating urself n myself as somewhat related(we share the same names, remember? 🙂
    I am eager to know, how zero percentile is doing…please reply here or at my id, if you get the time…also i am looking for a favour from you…actually i also like to write and have completed a novel only recently…i have not showed it to anyone yet..i don’t know if its too much of an asking but if you could please read may be only first few pages and let me know if i should continue writing or leave it for those who are more promising..but i will understand if you cannot…may i mail it to your email id?

  11. Neeraj: Please send the pages which you feel are the most powerful pages in your book and let me try and read them. Please send them to zeropercentile@neerajchhibba.com

  12. Thnx..

  13. Excellent post!. Well summarized ..I have not read your book yet, but will try to get at first opportunity available.

    Your point is very valid and this is what we see happening in India. Freedom is important and at the same time togetherness with your family is important too. Balancing the act is tough job and that’s the biggest question always to me.

    May be you can share your point of view on how in India people can balance the togetherness rather than going through American way of dealing with things!

    cheers
    Sandeep

  14. Thanks Sandeep for visiting.

    I think what we can do is that live close to each other if not in the same house so that there is constant contact and sharing.

    If you cannot be in the same city then try to be in communication every week, and pre-decide dates when the whole family will get together. Remember occasions and give them importance. Be there in spirit if not in body

  15. Hi Neeraj, I just finished reading your book today and I absolutely loved it. I loved the way you have portrayed your protagonist. Well told !!

    • Hi Kripa,

      That’s absolutely fantastic. Thank you. Comments like these keep you going.

  16. This might interest you 😀

    http://indiatoday.intoday.in/site/Story/81638/Bestsellers+of+January+2010.html?complete=1

    Congrats!

    • Thanks for letting me know Smita. I am sure I would have missed it otherwise. Hope it climbs up the ladder too.

  17. well, things always come in full circle just like what’s happening (or going to happen) in indian societies….

    by the way i really liked your book and i’ve recommended it to all my friends. hope u’ll keep writing in future.

  18. I agree with everything which Neeraj Bhaiya says as he shared bday with me 🙂

    All kind of families have their pros and cons. Unity, support, love are definitely some of the benefits and maybe even much more but at the same time till today joint families have their shares of troubles, specially in villages and towns with brothers/cousins fighting over property, money. Let me not even get into ladies of house who bring their own share of politics and divisions- remember ekta kapoor serials ? They are not all fake, they have drawn inspirations from our own society.

    These cons along with sometimes lack of personal choices for kids like parents making career, marriage choices for kids has led to the current scenario of families in indian society.
    But excess of everything is bad, so now we will soon experience the cons of nuclear families and personal freedom.

    I hope in the coming time, Indian society have experienced everything and ideally after this phase, people should have choice of what kind of family they want to have, what are their priorities etc.

  19. not shared bday but shares *…grammer mistake

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  36. very true…………I read your book zero percentile……its awesome…

  37. Hi! Neeraj,
    I completely loved reading both of your novels…I begun reading novels in last 5-7 years as I was busy reading science but I loved first one and got other when it was published and enjoyed reading that too. Just that I found second one central character was more self obsessed but narration and speed was amazing. I am waiting for third one from you…will we get it sometime soon?
    and Yeah…you are spot on about change in Indian culture as I do find similarities that progressively Indian families would meet only on Holi or Diwali like Thanks giving day. Though I do admire self respect, discipline and work culture in US but I agree with you that blind copy of western cultures will lead us nowhere.
    waiting for third one from you…


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